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  • Rush Limbaugh says he’ll leave the US if healthcare passes
  • Egyptian Saif al-Adel is named interim leader of al Qaeda; “Hopes to have interim tag removed by end of the year,” says in statement made in front of blue sheet.
  • Joe Paterno gives a speech at the Harvard School of Public Policy on: “When is the ideal time to retire or leave the stage?”
  • President Obama declares National Emergency upon discovering that the BP oil spill has spread to the White House
  • Charlie Sheen in negotiations to be the new host of Punk’d
  • A 52-year-old Salt Lake City housewife accuses Romney of being a Mormon.
  • Tea Party Leader Caught Using Food Stamps for Beer and Donuts
  • Terrorists are considered unlikely to read leaked military records about war in Afghanistan unless offered in audiobook format
  • Rep. Michele Bachmann sports an outfit that she purchased at the Michael Jackson estate sale.
  • Wikileaks Releases Hillary’s emails, Causing Drama
  • TV Ratings and Attendance down; Baseball to reconsider steroid ban
  • Arizona law struck amidst new immigration threat to its borders
  • Republican leaders worry that their base won’t support a Herman Cain nomination because they had a real problem with Obama and he was only half-black.
  • Gingrich takes turn as frontrunner
  • Army gives annual award to ex-Rep. Eric Massa for promoting the image that everyone in the Navy is gay

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