ObamaScare Passes,  Death Star panels to begin immediately

by Casey Flynn

House Democrats approved a far-reaching overhaul of the nation’s health system on Sunday, voting over unanimous Republican opposition to provide medical coverage for tens of millions of Obama’s countrymen, Kenyans as wells as for Americans.

The key provisions of the bill, however, do not go into effect until the year 2056, and the tax hike to pay for it is not until 2060.  According to the Mayan calendar and most Republicans (assuming that this bill is not repealed), the world will end in 2012.

The only provisions of Obamacare that will immediately go into effect are the Death Star panels, making federal funds available for abortion-on-demand (from the first trimester until third grade), and declaring March 21 Bart Stupak Day, the day we celebrate all things Bart Stupak.  See below, the new federal building that will be built for the administration of Obamacare.

Bart Stupak, pro-life Democratic Congressman, changed his vote allowing the Democrats to secure the 216 votes needed for passage of the legislation.  When asked why he changed his vote, Bart Stupak explained, “Don’t have a cow man!” and  “I don’t know! I don’t know why I did it, I don’t know why I enjoyed it, and I don’t know why I’ll do it again!”  (Sorry that was Bart Simpson).   Bart Stupak actually responded to the question of why he changed his vote by saying, “I’ve always wanted to be featured in a New Yorker profile.”

When Bart Stupak was voting against Obamacare, the left-wing media was in an uproar and began investigating allegations of corruption against Stupak, while the right wing media was crying, ‘foul’ and claiming that he was being unfairly demonized because of his vote;  when Bart Stupak was voting for Obamacare, the right-wing media was in an uproar and began investigating allegations of corruption against Stupak, while the left wing media was crying, ‘foul’ and claiming that he was being unfairly demonized because of his vote.  That is why I go home at night, and instead of watching the 24-hour news channels, I partake in the craft of chair seat weaving or chair caning – a craft that has been practiced for centuries going back to the time of King Tutankhamun, (1325 B. C.).

The CBO explained that most of the health care savings would occur because by 2056, doctors will be able to heal people in the manner used by Spock in the movie, Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home;  namely, by placing their hand above the diseased area and curing the illness by the power of their mind.  Doctors will be able to charge $9.99 for this non-evasive procedure and will have to wear tripartite hats made out of paper.  (Parenthetically, lawsuit idea:  in ‘Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home,’ the Star Trek crew travels back in time to the year 1986;  curiously in the movie ‘Hot Tub Time Machine,’ a hot tub travels back in time to 1986 — coincidence or a potential copyright infringement lawsuit?  Discuss.)

Immediately Republicans are claiming that the health care plan will bankrupt America and turn it into a third world country.  I believe that all first world countries have either a single-payer system or a public option (neither of which the Obamacare has), and they aren’t bankrupt nor a third world country?  Discuss.

Republican healthcare challenge:

What is a synonym for Obamacare:  a)  Soviet-style healthcare system;  b)  socialist healthcare system;  c) the infamous Third Reich public option that they imposed on the Jews, and before that the Jews had first-class private insurance;  d)  RomneyCare.

What aspect of Obamacare would the Republicans like to repeal so that the following will again happen:  a)  re-open the “doughnut hole” and charge seniors more for prescription drugs and their donuts (presently seniors have to pay for donuts four through nine for a dozen;  one senior activist put it in these terms, “I’ll give you my glazed, jelly-filled donut bedazzled with sprinkles when you take it from my cold, dead hands!”); b)  re-allow insurers to rescind policies when they discover a pre-existing condition  (if you’re anything other than any a healthy young male, who even if sick will only go to the doctor for maybe a communicable STD, you’re a pre-existing condition); c) re-allow insurers to banish 55-year-olds from their parents’ insurance coverage;  d) re-allow insurers to put lifetime caps on insurance policies for catastrophic illnesses, causing individuals to lose their health insurance and be forced on the Medicaid disability public option (that’s right, we already have a public option); e) re-allow insurers to deny coverage to millions of Obama’s fellow countrymen:  Kenyans; f) re-allow insurers to deny coverage to millions of illegal aliens living in Kenya;  g)  re-allow insurers to break into your home in the middle of the night and eat those delicious leftovers that you were looking forward to eat for lunch the next day.  Based on what I’ve seen recently, it seems very difficult to pass any bill whatsoever no matter how uncontroversial and unambiguously beneficial for the general public?

In 2012 this will be the critical question for the Republican nominee, how is RomneyCare different from Obamacare?  The answer will be particularly interesting if the Republican nominee is a certain Mormon pictured below with his wives:

Sarah Palin has already posted the following answers to the question of how RomneyCare was different from Obamacare on her facebook page:  “It’s complicated,” and “We used to hustle over the border for health care we received in Canada. And I think now, isn’t that ironic?” and “I told the Congress, ‘Thanks, but no thanks,’ on that Bridge to Nowhere,” and “I’m the mayor, I can do whatever I want until the courts tell me I can’t.”

But when Obamacare does go into effect, people will still have private insurance and make co-pays with money as they did before, but now they will have to carry their co-payments in wheel barrows because they will need something that large to haul the large piles of worthless money in.  Republicans are predicting 1920’s Weimar Republic hyperinflation because of the at least trillion dollar cost of Obamacare (Republicans are not buying the Obama cost savings argument).  But the predicted cost of Obamacare is a sum less than the 1.05 trillion dollars, which is the cost of the Iraq and Afghanistan war to date.  The cost of Obamacare is also less than the trillion dollar, bipartisan discretionary budget spending — spending that I would categorize, to paraphrase the words of Oscar, the accountant, on the show ‘The Office,’ from the episode that dealt with Michael Scott’s money problems — ‘Items that no one in their right mind would spend money on;’  alas, true examples, spend $2.6 million training Chinese prostitutes to drink more responsibly on the job;  $200,000 for a tattoo removal program in Mission Hills, California;  Federal Communications Commission spent $350,000 to sponsor NASCAR driver David Gilliland).

A Modest Proposal:  Make the Uninsured partly pay for it

The complaint of our present healthcare system is that everyone is either a ‘have’ or ‘have not.’  The ‘haves’ are people with first-class health insurance tied to their jobs;  the ‘have nots’ are people, who if they are struck with an illness when they are without insurance, could be bankrupted by say a two-week stay in a hospital, or are people with a pre-existing illness that are denied coverage, etc..

The tea party and Republican activists are accusing the ‘have nots’ of wanting a free handout for healthcare, an entitlement.   The ‘have nots’ don’t want, nor need a handout, they just need some feasible, affordable way to pay for health insurance.  When someone without insurance is struck with bacterial meningitis is there a discounted hospital that they can go to?  I’m sure if there was, they would.

It seems like common sense that to cover 30 plus million people with health insurance will be very expensive, especially if costs aren’t contained.  So as Obamacare gets expensive as it invariably will, the ‘have nots’ can pay some monthly fee or co-pay for healthcare services.  Paying these fees through some subsidized government plan is preferable to getting a $100,000 bill for a two-week stay at a hospital, which is a cost that no one can absorb with the exception of Glen Beck, Sean Hannity, and the United States government.

And I don’t care if the ‘have nots’ cry poverty;  everyone can scrounge up a few hundred dollars every month to pay for their subsidized insurance plan.

But what to do about controlling the skyrocketing cost of healthcare?  This is a matter too complex for a website called JestReport.com, so I recommend the following article from the Newyorker:  “The Cost Conundrum What a Texas town can teach us about health care.”  by Atul Gawande, see  http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/06/01/090601fa_fact_gawande