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  • Sign of the times: Government running ads during state of the union, not unlike what occurs during a soccer game
  • Mitt Romney gives speech defending Bain Capital: “Greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures, the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms; greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge, has marked the upward surge of mankind and greed, you mark my words, will not only save Teldar Paper, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the U.S.A.”
  • Neighbors in the prosperous upper-middle-class suburb of Abbottabad, Pakistan where Bin Laden’s compound is located are more shocked that there was a 2000 pound water buffalo on the property, than the fact that Osama bin Laden was living there.
  • ObamaScare Passes, Death Star panels to begin immediately
  • Exit Strategy: Gaddafi to replace Charlie Sheen on “Two and a Half Men.”
  • Muammar Gaddafi is a Colonel in the same sense that Colonel Saunders is a colonel.
  • People are shocked that Dick Clark was only 82 when he died.
  • Goldman Sachs used Bailout Money to pay Record Bonuses to Executives Who Spent Most of their Day on Facebook
  • US AND C.I.A. KILL AL QAEDA’s NO. 3 LEADER (again)
  • A 52-year-old Salt Lake City housewife accuses Romney of being a Mormon.
  • Romney’s bold exit strategy for Afghanistan: Remove Mormon missionaries by 2016.
  • Republican leaders worry that their base won’t support a Herman Cain nomination because they had a real problem with Obama and he was only half-black.
  • Bashar al-Assad’s career options: (1) get shot in the face by a drunk Arab, driving a beat-up pickup; (2) war crimes tribunal in the Hague; or (3) head coach of Penn State.
  • Egyptian Saif al-Adel is named interim leader of al Qaeda; “Hopes to have interim tag removed by end of the year,” says in statement made in front of blue sheet.
  • China to foreclose on the U.S., sell U.S. at steps of United Nation to highest bidder!

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