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  • Arnold Schwarzenegger: “He lived up to the Kennedy name.”
  • Republicans apologize to BP for inconvenience caused to their drilling operations by the Gulf of Mexico
  • Terrorists are considered unlikely to read leaked military records about war in Afghanistan unless offered in audiobook format
  • Rep. Michele Bachmann sports an outfit that she purchased at the Michael Jackson estate sale.
  • Neighbors in the prosperous upper-middle-class suburb of Abbottabad, Pakistan where Bin Laden’s compound is located are more shocked that there was a 2000 pound water buffalo on the property, than the fact that Osama bin Laden was living there.
  • Jestreport Flash poll: 30% of Republicans believe Herman Cain has been wrongly accused of sexual harassment; 10% believe his female accusers’ allegations of sexual harrassment; 60% believe that his female accusers should be faulted for not submitting themselves to Herman Cain.
  • Are Clarence Thomas and Herman Cain the same person? They have never been seen in the same place together. The similarities are too uncanny, so suggests an unnamed Republican Mormon Centrist source, who is defensive about Obamacare.
  • A 52-year-old Salt Lake City housewife accuses Romney of being a Mormon.
  • President Obama declares National Emergency upon discovering that the BP oil spill has spread to the White House
  • New Al-Qaeda plot: Offshore Drilling in the Gulf of Mexico
  • Gingrich takes turn as frontrunner
  • Wikileaks Releases Hillary’s emails, Causing Drama
  • US AND C.I.A. KILL AL QAEDA’s NO. 3 LEADER (again)
  • How much cocaine was Charlie Sheen doing? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
  • In last night’s debate, Romney stressed that Bain Capital has started many great businesses, notably, Dunder Mifflin, Inc..

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