Bin Laden’s last words were: “Don’t shoot me, I’m Cat Stevens!” Aka Yusuf Islam, pictured above. Unfortunately for Bin Laden, Yusuf Islam aka Cat Stevens was also on the list of people to be killed.

-  Say what you will about returning the Arab world to a seventh century caliphate where we all live in caves and live off the land, it is a very green option. 

- Snuck down on an ISI helicopter to see Yousef Islam a.k.a. Cat Stevens concert.  Decent seats.  Was a little disappointed that he played all new stuff.  I was really hoping to hear ‘Moonshadow,’ ‘Father and Son,’ or even ‘Peace Train’ (I know ironic).  Lest we forget, I’m a child of the ‘70s. 

-  Invention idea:  Muslim Compass Prayer Rug.  What’s more embarrassing than facing the opposite direction of Mecca at prayer time? 

-  Saw that HBO show, ‘Big Love,’ with that guy, what’s his name, talks to the old lady in the ship-sinking movie, played the mean older brother, Chet, in ‘Weird Science,’ you know who I’m talking about.  So everyone tells me to see it because they say it’s relatable about some of the headaches of dealing with a polygamist marriage (especially when you’re out of all the respective honeymoon phases).  So I watch it.  It’s just all right. It’s no Sopranos.  And c’mon, three wives, I mean, talk about amateur hour.  

-  Asked for skim goat milk.  Received 2% goat milk.  Annoyed, but try not to show it.

-  I’m a little down today.  I just communicated with son #4 (?).  He has decided to drop out of the family business, suicide bombing, and instead try to make it as a jazz musician.  I mean, what a waste of a life!  Does anyone even listen to jazz anymore, besides pretentious people who are secretly bored?  After all the money we spent on his private school education at the Wahhabi madrassas (and it’s not just the cost of tuition, they pressure you to donate money), the summer camps, the tennis lessons, and his year abroad at Brown University.  It really adds up.  This news will be really hard on his mother, wife #… is it 3 or 4?  Hmmm.   

 -   I don’t get Internet or have a telephone line (the bundled package is just too overpriced), so we receive most of our entertainment from DVDs sent to us via courier.  I was really excited to see the latest Clint Eastwood movie, but when I opened up the mail container it was instead a Reese Witherspoon romantic comedy.  I’m this close to cancelling Al Netflix.

 -  It’s funny Cheney is right that Al Qaeda did have contact with Saddam Hussein before 9/11, and we tried to elicit his help.  The only help he gave us was that he sent us galley copies of his 713 page book, “The Fortified Castle,” (”Al-Qala-ah Al-Hasinah”) as entertainment for our long dark nights in the desert.  I think everyone had the same reaction:  “713 pages, really?  Does Saddam know that authors don’t get paid by the word anymore?”  We would have used the copies he sent as door stops, but our mud huts didn’t have doors. 

-  Worked on new video declaring renewed jihad against Western decadence.  They said I kept flubbing my lines, but the lines didn’t work, they were flat and trite.  Need to bring in new writers to punch up the script.  Also was not happy with either hair or make-up.  Thought the dye job of my beard was too heavy. 

 
-  We got another call from the neighbor.  Apparently our water buffalo broke out the back gate again and was in our neighbor’s garden.  She was upset and was threatening to call animal control.  Fortunately, Pakistan does not have that sort of infrastructure.  I knew when my daughter brought home that water buffalo it was going to be trouble. 

   -  So we have a compound meeting the other day.  We are in the planning stages of numerous terrorist attacks on the United States.  So I pose the question to my planning team, “How many Americans do we have to kill to get them to leave Afghanistan and Iraq?”  Someone responded zero before 911.  Ha, ha!  I laughed.  Hey, I have a sense of humor.  Sure, we beheaded him the next day, but I agree, it was a good joke.