A picture of Dick Clark taken in the early 1980s.

"I enjoyed watching American Bandstand as a teenager," said the 94-year-old Jennifer Thompson.

Obama's Press Secretary: "Inability for Obama's entourage to pay for prostitutes might reflect badly on the US's credit worthiness. This is something Republicans in Congress need to consider."

Kim Jon Un: "Maybe not so good with math."

This from a man who appears to spend a lot of time on a couch and receives a government check every two weeks.

George Zimmerman, the Alfred Dreyfus of 2nd Amendment gun rights, has become Fox News cause célèbre.

"How many Congressmen does it take to change a lightbulb?" Justice Scalia asked the Solicitor General during oral arguments for Obamacare, and then answered his own question with: "They don't have the power to do that under my reading of the commerce clause." Scalia then scratched the back of his head with a nine-millimeter handgun.

Romney will have to make an argument against Obama’s case for reelection, which is as follows:  (1)  Killing Osama Bin Laden;  (2) Getting us out of Iraq;  (3) Stock Market up 60% since Obama took office;  (4) the employment rate has been coming down since October 2009 (which is still Bush’s fiscal year) and over 4,400,000 jobs were lost before Obama took office;  (5)  Saving the American Auto Industry;  (6)  Never Raised Federal Income Taxes (if he’s a socialist, he’s not very good at it);  and (7)  Passing in effect Romneycare, based on the Massachusetts health care plan, which provides top-quality, universal health care for all of Massachusetts citizens, with cost savings. 

Mitt, what say you?   

Mitt might want to start with his signature accomplishment while Governor of Massachusetts:  Romneycare.  He should then point out the difference between Romneycare and Obamacare?  One is a government attempt to take over healthcare and socialize medicine;  the other was signed into law by a Muslim. 

In fact, Romney will have a difficult time distinguishing Romneycare from Obamacare considering Obama used the find and replace function for the Romneycare legislation and replaced ‘Romney’ with the word ‘Obama,’ then increased the spacing and widened the margins (to make it look more impressive), and then moved on to the next item on his to-do list:  Killing Osama Bin Laden. 

He could make the case that he’s better suited to be the Commander-in-Chief by just pointing to his stellar … uhm

Romney got a deferment from the Vietnam War to do Mormon missionary work in the South of France where he lived in a modest beach front villa.  Hello, Swift Boaters, knock, knock, are you awake?  Any advert. money left over for this piece of work?  Well that’s unfair, Obama’s a no good pacifist community organizer … who organized the intelligence community to kill Osama bin Laden, right?

While working as a Mormon missionary in Bordeaux, he abstained from red wine and vigorously defended America's war in Vietnam. Mormon converts: zero.

Romney then may want to point to his business experience with Bain Capital where he  … uhm … okay . . . let’s just say the character of Gordon Gecko in the movie, ‘Wall Street’ was based in part on Mitt Romney’s hair.  Let me put it this way, Bain Capital is to jobs what Obama is to Osama Bin Laden.  If you need a hint, the word rhymes with the last name of comedian Phyllis Diller.

Phyllis Diller is not dead.

 In the key swing state of Michigan, he should point out that he is the son of a former governor, and if he had his way, we’d all be seeing a Detroit Lions football game at Hyundai Field, enjoying delicious kimchi.  He should characterize this as a good thing because, historically-speaking, great manufacturing powers do not have their own auto companies.

Romney, shown above, giving his now famous "Greed is Good" speech in defense of Bain Capital at a Hostess factory outside of Tampa, Florida.

Romney shown here speaking with shareholders of Teldar Paper. After acquiring Teldar Paper, Bain Capital sold off its assets to a paper plane company, making record profits for its investors.

Mormon Missionaries greeting a driver in a Taliban-controlled area in the Helmud district of Afghanistan.

Mormon Missionaries appearing worn and fatigued after completing their mission in Afghanistan.

Bain Capital helped start Dunder Mifflin Inc., a micro-cap regional paper and office supply distributor with branches in five states.